Die Writing

Some cops

Posted in Uncategorized by erdaron on February 19, 2011


There’s supposed to be a second speaker, by the way. Look for a rewritten version later :D.

In a bathroom

“The thing you have to understand about cops is that a lot of them are just like every other asshole with a nine to five job. Their whole goal is to not get fucked and then go home. And I don’t mean go home like some sort of hero movie, a fucking Gary Cooper Western. I mean get through the grind, eat his lunch, go home and sit on his fat ass watch some TV. That’s it.

“I’m talking about the tired old beat cops. Now you take one of those assholes. He knows he is not going to make a big arrest. He is not going to bust the kingpin. He knows it, he fucking knows it in his bones. But – and this is the important bit – he doesn’t want to do any of those things. He is fine being just an old tired beat cop. Just like everyone else, he’ll get his kicks watching the police dramas. He hasn’t pulled his weapon in five years, and he’d like to keep it that way.

“So we take this creature, and we put it in a little scene with a bastard like you and I. This cop can smell the shit on us. He’s been working the streets long enough, and he can’t fucking help it. But he doesn’t want to be bothered with and he just wants to go home.

“Now he looks at us, and he sees that we’re hanging out in a train station bathroom and we got no luggage on us. And he fucking knows it’s because we’re selling weed to the tourists, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a shit. He wants to see a good citizen just washing some piss off his hands, and that’s exactly what we give him. We act nice and polite, and we make no sudden moves. We let the officer know that everything is cool, that we are cool, and that he is the big cat. Everyone loves being the big boss – and you know what, his life ain’t roses, so we throw him a bone.

“And now it all looks clean, and the cop – he wants to believe that everything is clean, so he does. And he says, Well you boys move along now, and unzips his pants at the urinal. And we say, Yes officer, you have a lovely day. Now everyone moves along just fine. He gets another donut and then goes to watch the Steelers take on the Packers like all the other good citizens. And little shits like you and I, we get to make rent and we don’t go to jail.”

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