Die Writing

A very important message!

Posted in Uncategorized by erdaron on February 2, 2011

Aside

WARNING: the following piece contains seriously adult language. It is obscene, grotesque, and silly. Mainly obscene. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Well, fuck it

Hello, America. I would like to talk to you about skull-fucking. It is a grave epidemic that is sweeping our great nation, and I find it necessary to raise my voice where others have remained silent. Skull-fucking threatens us all, especially the children and the elderly.

First off, I would like to dispel the rumors that I do not take this subject seriously. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Skull-fucking is the deciding battle of our times. It is an issue entirely unfit for any kind of levity or tomfoolery. Skull-fucking is destroying our great nation and must be stopped.

Consider the threat that skull-fucking poses to our elderly. Most of them are high on glaucoma medication, and due to a combination of these two conditions might be completely unaware that they are presently being skull-fucked. A recent study revealed that on average, a person over seventy years of age only has a twenty per-cent chance of noticing that they are being skull-fucked. This means that out of every five seniors currently being skull-fucked, only one is even vaguely aware of what is happening.

How can we dishonor our geriatric heroes in this way? How can we stand idly by while grandma gets skull-fucked into pulp? We cannot allow things to carry on in such terrible fashion, America. Every elderly person must be issued a chastity helmet with a proximity alarm.

Well, what of the children, you ask? Things appear even worse with our young, as many of them consider skull-fucking to be cool and hip. Many kids skull-fuck at recess, during lunch, and while skipping class. They disguise this vile activity with cool slang terms, such as “skulling,” “noggin-rockin,” and “voting Republican.” Some may constantly wear sunglasses to hide their blood-shot eyes. Many develop a taste for hip-hop music. Frequently, children engaging in skull-fucking lose interest in school and grades. If your child displays any of these signs, he or she may be secretly skull-fucking right in your house. Right now.

Parents – constant vigilance is the only way to catch skull-fucking early. Remain alert at all times so that you may protect your sweet little one from the scourge of skull-fucking. Scrutinize your children constantly. Analyze their every behavior in terms of skull-fucking potential. Face the facts – if your children reach the teenage years, they are probably skull-fucking at least once a week. So talk to your kids about the dangers of skull-fucking early. Talk to them before their innocent eye sockets are violated by strange penises in the back of a bus station.

Above all, remember this, America. United we stand, but divided we get skull-fucked.

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